Life's Cruelties
by JustKeepOnTheGrass
Summary: ‘Then I’d walk away… knowing it’s all my fault for never having you in the first place’ LJ R


**Life's Cruelties**

**By ****Lorianna****kim**

One of life's cruelties is realizing the value of something you have when it's too late. It is cruel, for when you finally realize how much that something means to you, it's slipping away. It is cruel, for when you look at where that something had once been, it is not there anymore. It is cruel, for by losing that something, you also lose yourself along the way without meaning to.

For her, he seemed to always be there at the back of her mind; a blurry image, an annoying amusement, a used comfort…. For him, she had not only always been there; she had been there all along. And it was a big difference; always being there and being there all along. Well, perhaps it's not _much _of a difference. Perhaps it is. Perhaps it depends on your opinion on the subject.

Yes, it is confusing. But everything seems to be confusing when you had fallen in love with someone since you were fifteen. To him, fifteen was a magic number. Not many people fall in love at fifteen. Not _really_ fall in love. At least not like he did. He bet that nobody did like he had done when they were fifteen. He bet that nobody had walked up to the said girl of their dreams and declared, at the top of their voice, '_You may not know it now, but I promise you that I'd marry you someday'_

He did that when he was fifteen. He promised with recklessness and sincerity.

The reason? Well… he was in love. Not just in love as in teenage cute couples lovelove, as in _'in love'_ Told you this is confusing!

And when you're in love, you're faced with another one of life's many cruelties. That cruelty being that the someone you love doesn't love you back. The rejections, the insults, the annoyance… everytime it cuts and it hurts. And it's cruel. Life's cruel.

But he had never stopped loving her. Not once.

Why? Because he's in love with her. As in _'in love'_

He's seventeen now and he found himself in a situation so strange and surreal that he wondered whether he was actually dreaming. The situation was like this.

The fire in the common room had died and he stood rigid facing the stairs up to the boys' dormitories. She stood just a few feet behind him but he didn't look at her. He had his back to her. After two years of loving her and being rejected, he was now facing another of life's cruelties; weariness. He was just tired. And hurt.

He kept his eyes fix on the stairs, yet he didn't go up. He wasn't saying anything. She wasn't either. He heard her shuffled her feet and he heard her sniff. Then he knew she was crying.

So many times before when he saw her cry, he broke. But this time, he bit down the awful feeling in his stomach and waited. Finally she spoke, like he knew she would.

'If I say… I love you right now would you still walk away? Or would you stay, knowing that I'm sorry that I hurt you in many ways I couldn't take back?...'

'I don't know what you mean' he still didn't look at her

'I'm sorry…' she whispered and her voice broke. His heart clenched. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to hurt as much.

'What if I say… I don't love you anymore?' he whispered, keeping his voice harsh and cold.

He could feel her flinched. He didn't know how he could, but he felt it. Like his words had stabbed her.

'Then I'd walk away… knowing it's all my fault for never having you in the first place' said she.

He dug his finger nails into the palm of his hands. Tears formed in his eyes and he knew she was turning away. He willed himself not to turn around. Not this time.

'Goodbye then' she spoke, her voice shaking. And he knew, like he knew all the things about her, that she was forcing back tears. 'I'd miss you'

He could hear her footsteps retreating. With every step she's walking away, he bit his lips to keep himself from screaming.

_Not this time._

But then something slipped out. It was only one word, and he didn't scream it out like he feared. It sort of slipped. And he didn't know why it did. One small word. And he whispered it out.

'Wait'

And she stopped. He still didn't turn around. He cleared his throat.

'If I let you walk away, I'd never be able to keep my promise'

'What promise?'

'The one I made… two years ago. I'm going to marry you someday'

'Oh' was all she said. She seemed surprised, but she wasn't shocked.

He swallowed. 'If I let you walk away, I'd not be able to keep it'

'There's still time' she said quietly.

And he turned around.

And their eyes met. They were only standing a few feet from each other; both had tears pouring down their faces. The hazel eyes feasted on the emerald ones. And she let him, knowing she was feasting on him too. She was looking at him like she was seeing him for the first time.

And another one of life's cruelties is being too afraid to take what's right in front of you. It's cruel because we could never find the courage to reach out to do what our hearts are calling us to. It's cruel because it's hard to take the right path. It hurts to look at what's right in front of you, fearing it would never last.

But for some of us… they eventually learn that there is something greater and far more powerful than cruelties; And that is Love.

And when _you_ are able to find your place someday, you'd know what it feels like to confront all of those cruelties and survive. You'd know what it feels like to be finally standing looking at the love of your life and finally be able to say; _'I__ love you' _

Like how Lily Evans and James Potter were able to tell each other one day.

**THE END**

**AN. **I know this is soooooo random but it is 11:13 at night and some of the lines just popped into my head! I was thinking of James like mad and this just came. I know it is confusing and crazy but PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!! I'd love to hear what you think. Don't leave me in the dark, people.


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